The Release Podcast

Lair Torrent (Author of The Practice Of Love) On How To Stop Arguing For Your Good Intentions

Is your relationship stuck in the loop of defensiveness? What part do you play in the spiral? Lair Torrent is a psychotherapist, executive consultant, and relationship expert who wants you to grow up and own it. And that makes sense because a therapist married to a psycho-spiritual counselor for over 23 years probably wouldn’t get away with anything less in his own relationship, nor would he hope to. In the midst of a successful acting career Lair says he had a moment of clarity on the set of Law & Order between takes, and knew he was meant to do something else. Today Lair applies his philosophy of personal accountability across romantic relationships as well as the workplace, consulting to companies and working closely with couples and organizations. Lair Torrent’s first book, 'The Practice of Love,' focuses on the five principles for relating. On this week's podcast we are talking about reactiveness, autopilot, and the ways we destroy safety in our relationships. We look at the damage that is done when we argue for our good intentions, rather than for common ground, and Lair explains why he hates 'I' statements, why he believes there’s no such thing as a communication problem, and why he has no issue with people walking out of his office, if they’re not willing to own their own behavior. Because to hear him tell it, without accountability there can be no relationship. So think about that the next time you’re caught in the loop of defensiveness with your sweetie. What does that pattern of descent really say about them? And what does it say about you? For more on Lair: https://www.lairtorrent.com/ For more on The Release Podcast: https://thereleasepodcast.com/ https://www.instagram.com/thereleasewithpoonam/ Email list: https://lp.constantcontactpages.com/sl/QfcGHMm/thereleasepodcast

Moraya DeGeare on Navigating Your Grief Amidst A Partner's Identity Explosion

Identity explosion is an internal shift in how someone perceives and/or expresses their place in the world (and it can include anything from gender to sexuality to motherhood, religion, and more).
 
 
Moraya Seeger DeGeare is a neurodivergent Black Biracial therapist, and the granddaughter of famed musician Pete Seeger. Growing up in Beacon NY in a home filled with extended family, music, art, activism and achievement, she learned early to be aware of the spaces that she occupied, and how she was perceived. Currently a couples therapist specializing in Emotionally Focused Therapy, Moraya also authors the monthly Refinery29 column called 'Can We Talk,' so she bears witness to a lot of what is changing about society…beginning on the inside.
 
Today’s podcast covers something that’s been coming up a lot recently in her sessions with clients. How to navigate the grief a person can feel when their partner experiences an identity explosion, while also staying supportive. Some explosions involve more externally visible changes than others…but they all alter the romantic relationship. In particular gender-based identity explosions can be complicated to navigate, but also a chance to grow closer, if handled with care. Are heteronormative relationships destined not to survive it? Are queer or gender fluid couples necessarily better equipped to work through the confusion in order to hold on to the love? What does working through something like a gender transition or a sexuality transition raise to the surface in terms of the assumptions we all make…in every relationship of our lives? For more on Moraya: https://www.bfftherapy.com/morayaseegerdegeare For more on The Release Podcast: https://thereleasepodcast.com/ https://www.instagram.com/thereleasewithpoonam/
 
Email list: https://lp.constantcontactpages.com/sl/QfcGHMm/thereleasepodcast
#podcast #relationships #identity #transitioning #transgender #gender #genderideology #comingout #supportive

Soraya Chemaly, Author of RAGE BECOMES HER On How Women Learn To Fear Their Own Anger

Soraya Chemaly is a Bahamian-American author, activist, feminist and the author of RAGE BECOMES HER. She’s written as a freelance journalist for The Atlantic, Time, The Guardian, Huffington Post and Ms. Magazine, among others, on topics including freedom of expression, gender, women's rights, sexualized violence, media and technology. She is also the Director of the Women's Media Centre Speech Project, and has been named among other things, one of Elle Magazine’s 25 most inspiring women to follow on Twitter. Chemaly's first book is titled "Rage Becomes Her: The Power of Women's Anger." In it she examines the causes of female rage, the ways in which we are socialized to suppress it, and the psychological, sociological, biological and political consequences of that paradigm.On today’s podcast, she describes the day she came home from school to find her mother smashing every plate in kitchen, and then calmly asking about her day. We look at how failing to express our anger hurts us, and who it helps. We dive deep into how we are still, sadly…teaching our kids to internalize the sense that women and girl's rights to our own anger are somehow less important than our responsibility to keep the peace. Soraya traces the historical context for the underpinnings of the system that supports this dynamic, and offers some ideas for how we can shift it...beginning with examples she herself has learned first hand, in a place as innocuous as a preschool. The Release Podcast: https://thereleasepodcast.com/
On Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thereleasewithpoonam/Our Email List: https://lp.constantcontactpages.com/sl/QfcGHMm/thereleasepodcast
 

NASA Astronaut Astronaut Cady Coleman on Mission, Motherhood & Lessons From Space

Cady Coleman is a NASA astronaut who retired as a colonel in the US Air Force, flew twice on the Space Shuttle Columbia, is a Chemist by trade. She departed the International Space Station in 2011 as a crew member of Expedition 27 after logging 159 days in space. Her new book is called "SHARING SPACE: An astronauts guide to mission, wonder & making change." On today’s podcast, we are talking about fear, bravery and the courage it takes to leave your 10 year old child on earth…in order to fulfill a dream. When does a little girl’s fascination with astronauts transform into a mission to get off the planet? What has living in zero gravity taught Cady about control? And how did Cady manage to reach the height of a system that was not designed…literally or figuratively for her? Well, if the space suit didn’t fit…Cady made it fit. If the mission was at stake…she found a way. And she's the first to say that the allies outnumbered anybody who ever tried to hold her back. In the end, she's one of a small handful of humanity who knows what it's like to wake up on the space station, and an even smaller portion that has the experience of startling awake because they heard someone up on the roof IN SPACE.Ever wondered if the astronauts with delayed returns really consider themselves stranded? Ever imagined what’s the most disgusting thing about life in space? Ever thought about what it might be like to coparent when you're not even on the same planet? You’ll have to listen to the end, to find out.More on Cady Coleman, the book & the documentary: https://www.cadycoleman.com/film-space-the-longest-goodbye

Dr. Dan Yadegar, On Intentionality, Gay Single Fatherhood & Daily Micro-Contracts With Our DNA

What can a gay, Persian, cardiologist and single father teach us about how to take care of ourselves? Turns out quite a lot. Dr. Dan Yadegar is a trusted voice in integrating medical innovation and science with the art of wellbeing. After fleeing Iran with his family as an infant he spent his early years in the Dominican Republic, before they settled in Long Island, New York, where he mainly grew up. After Harvard college and Cornell Medical School he has spent his career serving the wealthiest as well as the most disadvantaged, has worked in healthcare venture capital, launched a wellness startup called Wellbel, and served on various boards. But when he’s not engaged in moving the needle of wholistic wellness forward, he’s focused on his two children he is raising on his own, after an IVF journey which he feels he was destined for. And he could not be a more grateful papa.
On today’s podcast we are looking at how our choices and attitudes can affect our health outcomes, and how our daily  micro-contracts with our own health can add up over time. We’re diving in to his journey as a gay man in a traditional culture, and the unique challenges and benefits of being a solo gay parent…via IVF and by choice. 
 
It’s possible that being gay has made him a better dad, that being a dad has made him a better doctor, and that being on this podcast, hopefully…has made Dr Dan feel just a little bit seen.

Denise Conroy aka The Queenmaker, on Trauma-Turned-Fuel

Have you ever heard the term Kingmaker? Well, meet the Queenmaker. Denise Conroy. A former 4X founder, 3X CEO, Fortune 500 CMO, and board director, she has been defying expectations her entire life, and she wants to help other women (and men) who are her executive coaching clients do the same. By looking inward. Denise did that herself when, nearly four decades later, she finally reckoned with, and got therapy for…the impact of the gang rape she suffered when she was only five years old. On today’s podcast we are looking at the cultural dynamics that created an environment where so many girls growing up in the 80s learned to turn their trauma into fuel. Denise’s attackers stole her sense of security, but not her compassion, including for her self, which came roaring back to her in the midst of a painful divorce while she was at a professional height she never thought she would reach. To hear her tell it, girls like her, on welfare, from small town Appalachia…weren’t destined for the C-suite. But guess what? She proved herself wrong. And now, she’s helping clients of her executive coaching practice do the same. There’s just one hurdle: you’ve gotta have been in therapy first. Denise is not messing around with her clients’ potential…and she won’t allow them to, either.More about Denise Conroy: https://www.themyllc.com/ https://www.tiktok.com/@denise_conroyhttps://www.linkedin.com/in/conroydenise
More about The Release Podcast: https://thereleasepodcast.com/
More about the host, Poonam Sharma:https://poonam.info/
 
 

Neil Shyminsky, aka Tiktok's Professor Neil, On The Manosphere, Mixed Messaging And The Future Of Masculinity

Given all the mixed messaging about what defines healthy masculinity these days, where will the next generation of young men ultimately land?Our guest this week is Neil Shyminsky, better known as TikTok's popular Professor Neil. Neil addresses cultural misunderstandings on a wide variety of hot topics. 
A Professor of English in the School of Justice, Community Services, and General Studies at Cambrian College, his work on superheroes has been published in journals such as the International Journal of Comic Art and Men and Masculinities. On todays podcast we are talking about the impact of mixed messaging in masculinity on the next generation, and the history of the manosphere.The "manosphere" is a broad collection of websites, blogs, and online forums promoting masculinity and opposition to feminism. Included communities are men's rights activists (MRAs), incels (involuntary celibates),pick up artists (PUA), and father's rights groups. The specifics of each group's beliefs may conflict, but they are generally united in the belief that society is biased against men, and that feminists promote a hatred of men. 
Neil is one of the louder and more trusted voices in the fray, trying to promote healthy masculinity. And that battle brings its own very special set of challenges.

Anna Goldfarb, The NY Times Friendship Correspondent & Author of "Modern Friendship"

Studies say we lose half of our friendships every seven years. Does that make you consider who you will move on from…or who’s gonna dump you?Friendship is complicated, as detailed in the book MODERN FRIENDSHIP; How to Nurture our most valued connections by Anna Goldfarb. Anna is a journalist, author and speaker, known as “The New York Times' friendship correspondent.” On today’s podcast we look at why it’s so hard to communicate disappointment to our friends, how mourning the loss of a friendship differs from mourning a romantic relationship, and why being considered somebody’s best friend is so much more valuable…than having one. Anna says we must renegotiate our friendships as life changes their shape, rather than thinking it will all work out magically. The connective tissue of long-term friendships used to be shared community, but most modern friendships no longer work that way…so in each friendship Anna explains that there has to be a WHY. And lest you think that new friends come easily enough…keep in mind that it takes about 200 hours to build a new best friendship. Do you really think you have that kind of time?

Frederic Luskin, Director of Stanford's 'Forgiveness Project,' and Author of 'Forgive For Good'

Forgiving someone who apologizes and changes their behavior is one thing. Or forgiving someone you can remove from your life. But how do you forgive someone who keeps hurting you?As the Director of Stanford University’s Forgiveness Project, and Author of Forgive for Good, Frederic Luskin has dedicated himself to answering these questions. Frederic has his Phd, is the Department Chair for Clinical Psych at Sofia University, and is one of the world’s leading researchers and speakers on the topic of forgiveness. He came by the topic honestly, as you’ll hear on today’s podcast, when he puzzled through difficult relationship situations with a friend, as well as with his mother in law. It was Fred’s wife who gets the credit for ultimately waking him up to how his own unforgiveness was a choice. 
On today’s episode we define forgiveness, identify how we know when we have forgiven…and look at the 9 stages of forgiveness which Fred identifies. Nobody wants to hold on to the stress of the past. Nobody wants to admit they are unforgiving of others, or of themselves. But according to Fred, we are all to blame for how refusing to forgive hurts us. And in every single moment of our lives, if we can accept what forgiveness really means about accepting reality…we have the power to be free.

Carlos Andres Gomez, Author of MAN UP, Student of Modern Masculinity

What is the correct way to do modern masculinity…and how can we teach our sons to get it right?
CARLOS ANDRÉS GÓMEZ is the author of the memoir Man Up: Reimagining Modern Manhood. On today’s episode we talk about why the phrase toxic masculinity is so triggering, how to guide our sons towards healthy masculinity without overcorrecting…and how loneliness could be the root of most of humanity’s problems.